Happy St. Patrick's Day!!

To celebrate St. Patrick's Day here are some new limericks by Mike O'Neil -

THE HARSH GRIP OF WINTER

The harsh grip of winter is dreary,
It oppresses Miss Hobson in Erie,
She yearns for the beach,
But it’s just out of reach,
Should’ve saved up vacation—quite clearly.


TO STRIKE OR NOT TO STRIKE

William Shakespeare missed out on the bling,
Had no GUILD upon which to cling,
Just an inky old pen,
And a fierce writing yen,
For Bill, the play was the thing.


A FINE KETTLE OF FISH

There’s bluefish, salmon, and trout,
Mahi mahi, tench, pickerel, pout,
With your rod and line hook em’,
And in the pan cook ‘em,
They’ll cure the ague and the gout.


CALORIC CONSEQUENCES

There was a new bride from New Haven,
Milk chocolates and sweets were her cravin’,
And try as she might her,
Trousseau got tighter,
That expanding young girl from New Haven.


OH IMPONDERABLE PIGSKIN

A football might wobble or bounce,
It’s the victim of pummel and pounce,
At the end of the day,
Did it fly straight or stray?
Is it luck or the spiral that counts?


THE NOSE KNOWS

I would sing thee an ode to the nose,
Without which we'd be dead, I suppose,
We need to breathe air,
To remain fresh and fair,
And where else would our glasses repose?


BEAUTIFUL BIVALVES

The medal for unbridled bravery,
Goes to he who first ate and found savory,
A slimy raw oyster,
(There is nothing moister),
And the nice thing—it doesn’t need gravery.


STOP THE PRESSES—NOT

A hopeful reporter named Nate,
Had just joined the fourth estate.
His spelling was horrible,
His verb choice deplorable,
But his gerunds were really first rate.


THE LIMERICK FORM

In order to be a sure hit,
It must feature a quick turn of wit,
Contain five lines, not one,
Project impudent fun,
And be metrically perfect when writ.


ELEGANT STICK

Me shillelagh and me,
We’re both from South Cork,
The land of O’Neil,
And Finbar, O’Rourke.

It’s an elegant stick,
Sure it cannot be beat,
It helps me to keep,
Meself on me feet.

And if I’m beset,
By man, wolf, or bear,
It’s a bonny braw club,
And I brandish it fair.

But I’m a calm man,
And tranquil enough,
Let’s keep it that way,
I don’t need to get rough.

Let’s sit for a while,
Let’s sing the old songs,
Take a sip of potcheen,
And right the old wrongs.

J. Michael O’Neil